Thursday, December 17, 2009

Bath Chronicle End of Term Examination

Quieten down, students, and pay attention. This is the Bath Chronicle end-of-term exam, and attendance is compulsory.

Sharpen your pencils, grease up your dividers and stop chewing at the back there.

Candidates must answer all the questions in the allocated time of 30 minutes. No talking, no peeping and don’t write on more than one side of the paper at the same time.

1: Physics
Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi was recently injured by an attacker wielding a model of the notoriously spiky Milan Cathedral. Use your knowledge and understanding of mass, density and materials to explain which of the following would be the best to use in model form if you wanted to carry out a similar attack. Give reasons for your choice.
(a) Bath Abbey;
 (b) The Guildhall;
(c) The Busometer.

2: Applied Mathematics
Construct an orthographic projection to show the optimum angle of attack using the instrument you chose in question 1. You may use a protractor, but not compasses.

3: Current affairs
Name the politician you would most like to wallop using the method of attack you described in question 2. Explain why, in elaborate detail.

4: Greek
Translate the following Greek phrases into good plain English:
(a) Public Realm Consultation;
(b) Regional Spatial Strategy;
(c) Infrastructure Modelling.
Extra marks will be awarded to candidates who answer in words of less than two syllables.

5 (a): Physical Geography
A family  is approaching Bath from the east by car. Unusually, traffic towards the city centre appears to be flowing somewhat slowly. Use your knowledge of Bath’s transport network to explain how this could possibly be the case, and suggest what the family should do next. Turning round is not an option.

5 (b): Mental Geography
Use your coloured pencils to draw a detailed map of Bath, outlining long-term solutions to the problem in question 5 (a). Be as imaginative as possible: your answer may include such elements as dedicated bus lanes, park and ride schemes, cycle routes, trams, monorails, jet-boats and unicopters, but it must not offend or inconvenience a single landowner or special interest group.

6: Home economics
Explain, with the use of diagrams, how to remove Christmas tree needles from (a) the car; (b) the sofa; (c) your socks; (d) the cat.

7: Creative writing
Candidates who have answered questions 1-6 to the satisfaction of the examiners will be deemed also to have answered question 7.

That is all. You may begin.


  1. Its great Hugh, just as well I left as I spent the half hour thinking who I would throw the model at and missed the rest of the questions.