Newspapers, radio stations and TV channels across the world are left with nothing to fill the gaps, except for that hoary old standby: the Christmas quiz.
And this column is no exception. We’re out of facts and opinions (not that we had many of either to start with) and we’re staring at a deep hole of the purest white.
So draw up an elf, throw another Yule log on the central heating and strain your brain with our festive brainteasers.
SCIENCE AND NATURE
- The Eskimos are purported to have at least 40 different words for snow. But can you name the sort of snow that disappears from roads within two days but lingers for three weeks on the pavements in a salty, slushy mess? (2 points)
- What is the correct medical term for that ghastly sinking feeling you get when you order most of your Christmas presents online and they still haven’t arrived at 5pm on December 23? (2 points)
- Which is worse, man flu or woman flu? (2 points)
FOOD AND DRINK
- Blue Quality Streets. What’s all that about then? Nobody likes them, they always end up left at the bottom of the tin in all their nasty coconutty grittiness. Why does Nestlé even bother putting them in to begin with? Why not give us extra purple ones instead? (5 points)
- Brussels sprouts and parsnips. What are they actually for? (10 points)
- Where did the wine go? (100 points)
- How do you wriggle out of a promise not to increase university tuition fees? (0 points)
- This is part of an everyday household object, photographed from an unusual angle: . Can you work out what it is? If so, please let us know as soon as poss, because we found it on the floor on Tuesday and since then we’ve only been able to get Channel 5 on the telly. (5 points)
- You know that book you gave Aunty Flo last Christmas? You’ve given it to her again. And it’s too late to do anything about it. (-7 points)
- Can you remember exactly what you were doing on Boxing Day morning last year? If so, award yourself an extra... 10 points
- Where is the rampire? And was it worth the bother? (5 points)
- All sporting activity except tea-tray tobogganing has been cancelled until further notice. (0-0 points)
- How many generals do you know? (1 point for each)
There, that should keep you going through a couple of cold winter evenings. Of which there are plenty on the way.
There are no prizes. A good score is reward enough. Answers will be published as soon as we’ve worked them out ourselves
Happy Christmas, everyone. And take it easy on the mince pies.